Thlovecarousel: TL;DR

Now, I'm going to talk about life.

Well, it's not some philosophical thingy, just my point of view.

I honestly feel that it was through university, through hall life that I've come to understand and realise many things.

First of all, my family.

I understand that my family isn't in the best shape.

My parents are, well, unhappy together. But deep down inside, me and my brothers know that they are staying together because of us. And, the dreaded would come soon.

I've always felt that my family was like every other happy family out there, until secondary 3, when everything came crashing down.

At first, I was very affected by everything, but soon, I knew that there was really nothing much I can do. I can only watch, and, well, I don't know.. LOL

You know, it is only when you're older, then you realise how important your family is to you. It is also due to the fact that you've come to realise the life is very fragile, every single mishap could take away anyone.

My dad had death brush him by, last month, where he would have been knocked down by the car if he had not gone back and retrieve his wallet. It is things like these that make me scared, scared of having to face the fact that my parents, or in fact, anyone can just leave me.

And of course, now I'm proud that my brother in Higher Nitec has gotten a scholarship with the Navy and is excelling in many sports while my youngest brother in NA stream is scoring well, except for his languages HAHAHA.

Next, friends.

In life, not all friends are reliable. Some just pretend to be your friends, some just want to dig out shit about you.

I'm sure you've heard plenty of such phrases.

Since young, I've always been a person who trusts people very easily. And people take advantage of my trust. I like to share my secrets with them, and eventually, these secrets became something they used against me.

I've been betrayed, backstabbed. It was heart breaking to know that those "friends" whom you've trusted so much talk bad about you behind your back.

And after staying in hall, you'll realise that being with friends on a day to day basis would make gossiping and backstabbing more common. The reason why, it'll be good to be cautious.

Hence, being selective in who to trust and pour all my secrets to is very important to me. HAHA. I'm not selective in making friends, just selective in making VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. :)

Then comes relationships.

The last relationship ended 2 and a half years ago.

Looking back, I was glad that it is still a part of my past that I've never regretted. Though, I know now that I was a little bit too immature.

I was still quite good to my bf then. I gave him freedom and all, but the problem was with myself. My insecurities. Something I believe all girls experience. Even being single now, I constantly compare myself to other girls, let alone say, when you're attached.

And no, I didn't tell him to stay away from the girls, I knew he had his rights. But all I did was to keep to myself and rant on social media, which was a bad idea. It's like hanging all your dirty linen out for everyone to see.

Now, looking back, if I had been more secure, if I gave him more trust. Maybe things would have turned out differently?

Oh and one thing, I've always given all my time to him, as though my whole world revolved around him. And that was a grave mistake. I didn't realise that we had to have other "lives" outside that of our r/s. (you know what I mean la)

Now, I believe we're still very close friends. Though we're both very busy with uni/NS.

Singlehood is fun, but looking at how my friends are getting attached one by one. I can't help but feel a little sad at times. Like y'know, there'll always be a shoulder ready to let you lean on when you're tired, an embrace that will forever be there if you're sad, and someone to shower all your love to.

Me and my fantasies. HAHAHA.

But one thing's for sure, I have more time for myself